I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
