He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.