My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?