i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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