he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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