My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud