It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i came on her dog
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
