I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
