The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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