you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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