Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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