I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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