You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
