Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
