The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
