we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You ruined the universe
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
