she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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