i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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