either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
