this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
