I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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