God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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