I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
