ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
