I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
