Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
