You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My bed smells like the plague
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
