I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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