so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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