please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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