she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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