I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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