Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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