I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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