I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
