dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
