Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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