If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
