I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize