Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
