I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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