Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
