I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
