I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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