My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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