Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
