This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
