We named our party play list daddy issues
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
