I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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