just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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