I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
