fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
