I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
