I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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