I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
