i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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