My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
