Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
