Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to fling myself into the sun
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
