dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
