Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
