these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
