Just cropdusted the office
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
