Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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