Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
