Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
