My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
