He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
