Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
