It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
