I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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