my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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