wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
