hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
