Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
