im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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