Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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