hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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